Wednesday, July 18, 2012

appreciation = happiness

We do a lot with our kids, probably to a fault. It's not so much the money that's spent, it's the time and effort we put into a new adventure like hiking, kayaking, camping, fishing, hunting for sea shells, mini golf, etc... sometimes I feel like I've done all those things in less than a week.
I'm a person who has a hard time sitting still so a lot of this activity is my doing but I need my kids to understand that all this may be a rarity; not every child gets out and kayaks with their parents or possesses the patience to make homemade ice cream with them. Now let me say that this... in no way does this make me special or a super mom. I'm not. But it got me thinking about being appreciative of what we currently have instead of looking straight past it and on to the next thing.

John Gray, author of Children are from Heaven (Harper Collins) wrote, “the whole basis of happiness is to appreciate what you have at the moment.” We all want our children to be happy, so what can parents do to help children appreciate the simple things in life?

Here's four things to get us moving in the right direction.

1. Model Gratitude

The most effective way to help your child see the light is to be a grateful person. Experts call this incidental learning. My Mom always called it “monkey see, monkey do.” Children are natural-born mimics. They use their parents as a how-to guide to navigate the world. If they witness their parents routinely expressing sincere gratitude (kids have an innate ability to detect insincerity), they are much more apt to express it themselves. Express gratitude to your child on a regular basis. Let the people around you know how much you appreciate what they do. Not only will this set a good example for your kids, it’ll make you feel pretty good, too.

2. Expect your child to show gratitude.

Parents, noble creatures that they are, think nothing of getting up three hours early so they can make lunches, check homework, get everyone dressed, fed and ready to go in time to drive Suzie to before-school band practice and Timmy to his early morning paper route. The fact that neither Suzie nor Timmy thought to say thanks doesn’t even register in Mom’s overworked mind. As much as children may wish, or even truly believe, that the world revolves around them, it doesn’t. Noticing and acknowledging all the work that goes into creating their day is a skill that will serve them the rest of their lives. Letting them know in a non-demanding way the effort you put out will usually be enough to remind them to say thank you. When they do express appreciation for all you do (or even for a little of what you do), accept gratitude graciously.

3. Go guilt-free.

That said don’t demand gratitude or try the gratitude-by-guilt method. We all remember the “starving kids in Africa” who would have been thrilled to have even a portion of the liver (or beets) you were rejecting. I don’t know about you, but thinking about kids who would enjoy eating my leftovers did NOT make me any more thankful I got to eat the yucky food. It just made me resent little starving kids. I also wondered what the moms in Africa told their kids to get them to eat.

4. Commit random (but regular) acts of service and gratitude.

Incorporating gratitude into daily life is easier than you might think. Randomly throughout the day, find ways of expressing gratitude. During the bedtime ritual, ask your child to name three things he enjoyed about the day, or tell your child three things you appreciate about him. Make writing thank you notes a priority. The note has to be written before the gift can be used. Put a note in a lunch sack or in a backpack expressing appreciation for your child. Make an effort to thank people who help you on a daily basis: the school crossing guard, the librarian, a cashier, etc.
I never did learn to appreciate beets. I did, however, learn to appreciate having a mother who cared enough to attempt to force nutrition into my ungrateful system. I hope someday my kids will, too

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